Paranoia

I swear, I hear the following at least five times a day each:

"How many more days to go, Tammy?"
"Not long to go now..."
"What are you going to do in your time off?"
"You must be excited!"

I'm getting paranoid. I think my workmates are more excited than me...!!

I have 3 shifts to go. I don't know what I'm going to do with my time off. I'm looking forward to having a few weeks off, but I've had lots of second thoughts! We worked out the budget the other day, and things will be much, much tighter on only Nate's wage. I'm only going to be able to spend about $5 on people's birthday presents next year, and there is no way I'm going to be able to convince Nathan we can afford a bit more spending money each week. I'm thinking my holiday isn't going to be much fun. I can't afford to go to the movies more than once a fortnight. I can't even really afford to drive into town. I need to cut back my showers and baths. I have to find a way to slash about $50 off the weekly grocery bill. I'll be sick of this house in 2 weeks! Not only that, but most of my friends are nurses I work with. (Nurses don't seem to have much time for any other type of friend! It took me about a month to catch up with Adam and Ruth a while ago; only the most dedicated friends survive that sort of neglect!) I'm going to miss the people I work with. I'm going to miss having a bit more money. I'll have time, but for what? I'm good at my job, and it makes me feel important; like I'm a useful citizen of the world.

I would rather cut down my hours. It would be great to do 2 shifts a week. I don't know. But I can't say all this stuff to Nathan. He got a bit cross last time I mentioned worrying about money, only a little bit, but he said I have to stop worrying. I don't want him to feel like he doesn't earn enough, or he doesn't make me feel important. It's a guy thing, I guess, to feel you are capable of looking after your wife. And when we have kids, it'll be harder! I'm fairly worried about that!

It's weird, me worrying, because I don't usually let worry bother me. It's something I'm good at, now: looking at the big picture, not stressing about small stuff, trusting God. Maybe it's just that people keep going on about it so constantly...

Well, I have many things, and I'll never lack what I need. I've gotten used to this DINKs business, and I've forgotten how easy it is to live on much less. Back when I had $4 a week pocket money, I used to sponsor a girl, and I still had everything I needed and more. And I know I have lots of projects here that I never seem to have time for. I need time for the garden, for that big cross stitch, for all those little baby clothes I want to try to make, for FLY cleaning, for reading, for practising Spanish and brushing up on sign language. There are a thousand books at the library I need time for, and my bil Jason has about 100 I want to read, too. I need to do so much in the garden. I really need to do more exercise. I'd love time to write stories. I'd like to make a webpage (like I used to have). I'd love to study completely different stuff; astronomy, physics, psychology, mythology. I haven't read through the Bible in ages.

Perhaps this holiday is going to be productive, in a very different way than I'm used to.

I wonder why change bothers us so much?

This year we changed our Christmas traditions a bit. We're doing a family "Kris Kringle" or whatever you call it when you only buy one present. I hate that! I'd rather spend $5 on everyone than $40 on one person. It's wierd not giving your sister or your Dad a present at Christmas! Seems wrong... I plan to be wicked ;-) and give everyone a little present (he he he!!) I love wrapping them and making cards!

I'm breaking a tradition myself. We never send Christmas cards to people... behavior like that could get out of hand! Once you start sending someone a card, it seems rude not to include a dozen others, and then it seems rude to ever stop sending them. But a nurse at work gave another nurse a card, and Maree was pretending to be offended she didn't get one, too. So I told her I'd give her a card, her and noone else (so she could brag; she's a funny girl!!). Made it today, which made me late for work (which isn't good, as I was in charge :-} but only a few minutes!)

I'm starting to ramble, and I'm starting to get cold. I probably should get to bed! I was going to get up at 6 for an early shift tomorrow, but one of the nurses was looking at the roster, and mentioned in passing that I was on a late shift. I said, "No, I'm not; I have an early, and she said, "yes, look, you're on a late!" Lucky for me! It would have been embarrasing to turn up at 7am and get sent home!

Today I planted 6 pumpkin seedlings (thanks, Matt!) and I'm hoping God will protect them from rabbits this time! I put some protectors on them, too, but God controlls rabbits better than me. I love pumpkins!

Ack; when my spelling deteriorates and my typing goes south (this isan attmept at a sendtence without using the deleelt key, ... the dleete key probably gets used more thatn "e" on my keybourd) it is time to go to bed!!!!